John Taylor, Chair of the Family Mediation Council said “This government investment in mediation is much welcomed by the Family Mediation Council. It will help separated families agree solutions that are best for their children, taking into account what is going to be important for them as they grow up. Family mediation is a proven cost-effective way to resolve differences following separation. This voucher scheme will make it even more accessible, and will help families resolve issues for themselves, without having to go to court.”

Family mediation is a process in which an independent, professionally trained mediator helps parents work out arrangements for children and finances following separation. Mediation can also be helpful when previous child arrangements need to change, particularly as children grow up.

Local family mediator Rita Jackson FMCA, from Minerva Mediation said the scheme is an important step in helping families access a practical alternative to Court and shows a growing understanding by Government that families need funding to help them access ways of resolving problems that encourage cooperation rather than conflict.

1. Further information about the scheme, aimed at families who may benefit, will be published here from 10am on Friday 26 March 2021: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/family-mediation-voucher-scheme.
2. The Family Mediation Council is a not-for-profit organisation whose aim is to promote the use of family mediation for the benefit of the public. It does not offer mediation itself. Family Mediation Council Accredited mediators meet rigorous professional standards. Find out more: https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/.
3. For more information about anything contained in this press release or family mediation in general, please contact Rita Jackson at Rita@minervamediation.com or telephone – 01895 706955/ 07903 374935

The post Press Release: Family Mediators Welcome Government Voucher Scheme first appeared on Minerva Mediation.

1. Blaming the other person
2. Convincing you you’re blameless and there’s nothing you can do
3. Thinking they can fix it for you
4. Urging you to go to Court to force the other person to do things your way
5. Reinforcing your feelings of unfairness and resentment
6. Spending most of the time discussing the problem
7. Advising you what to do or say
8. Attempting to take charge of your life
9. Gossiping, to rally others to your cause
10. Speaking critically to the other person on your behalf
11. Helping you plot revenge
12. Disappearing or judging you when the going gets rough.

Psychologist, Lawyer and Mediator, Bill Eddy calls these behaviours, Negative Advocacy because, whilst well-intentioned, they can do more harm than good, as you and the other person are not being encouraged to move forward in the dispute. Support which focuses on what’s wrong with the other person and doesn’t encourage creative solutions can be an obstacle preventing you from seeking assistance from those who could help you find common ground and build a resolution that works for both sides.

It’s worth remembering, that if someone in your life is being helpfully unhelpful they usually mean well, and want to show loyalty and support but just haven’t enough experience of successfully resolving this type of situation to realise they are not helping you move forward.

Skills Needed?

Support from people with the following skills can help you navigate through conflict and change, at the very least, and contain and protect you from the worst aspects of another person’s distressing behaviour. Bill Eddy calls such supporters Positive Advocates because they:

1. Help you understand the other person’s perspective
2. Let you look at what you can do now, and how to plan ahead, rather than just react
3. Explain ways to think around a problem, without trying to fix it for you
4. Help you gain information on your legal rights, responsibilities, and options
5. Schedule mutually convenient times to discuss the issue
6. Respect your time and priorities, and expect you to respect theirs
7. Help you find the right resources to reach the best decisions
8. Remain consistent and professional, and are equipped to stay with you for the duration.

Also bear in mind, if you rely solely on one person for support, they may find it hard to meet your needs and become less effective. If they are family members who are also professional helpers, they won’t necessarily be able to react in an objective way. For that reason, many professionals stick to a no friends or family rule. Seeking independent professional help when you need it can help you fill the gaps in your support network.

Experts on child welfare agree, it is never appropriate to ask or encourage your children to support you against another family member. This leads to conflicted loyalty which can have long term negative effects on their mental wellbeing and approach to relationships.  If you have concerns your child is caught in the middle of a conflict, then seek independent professional help – advice for yourself and support for them.

The post Choosing a Skilled Helper first appeared on Minerva Mediation.

1. Listen and show you are listening- listening is not agreeing.

2. Examine your assumptions and be prepared to discard them, if you are only listening for evidence that confirms your views then you will miss opportunities to solve the problem

3. Give and seek explanations not justifications – all behaviour has an explanation. When we “justify” we miss an opportunity to examine the alternatives and learn from our experience.

4. Be polite and recognise the other person’s right to their dignity and feelings.

5. Accept that nobody is perfect, mistakes are part of learning and criticising ourselves and others for making a mistake does not undo the past.

6. Practice patience, it takes time to build trust and it takes time for some people to change their reaction to conflict.

7. Thinking about your longer term interests can reduce the risk of falling prey to short term emotion.

8. The only person you may expect to control is you. If you see the other person as being in charge of your situation then you are giving up your capacity to do something for yourself. Consider what you can do to make things better in the longer term that doesn’t depend on them.

9. Sometimes you have to give in order to receive.

10. Actively seeking collaboration will achieve more than competition.

If a conflict is escalating or stagnant reflecting privately on how closely you are following these rules can help you review your approach and change the focus from force to influence. It may feel unfair and be hard to stick to the rules if the other person does not, but life isn’t fair and when we react by trying to prove someone is wrong, or feel we must try to change them, or “teach them a lesson”, we may provoke them to respond in kind. To end a war one side must call a cease-fire before the hostilities can end.

More Services & Conflict Resolution Resources

Mediation FAQ is designed to help people who are new to mediation consider their approach and avoid some of the pitfalls that can jeopardise a successful negotiation.

Time To Talk is a one to one personal coaching service designed to help you think about conflict and reflect on what you wish to do about it.

Getting Legal Advice is our guide which contains some questions you might want to ask to clarify your legal options if you are at risk of being involved in a Court case.

The post Ten Tips for Successful Negotiations first appeared on Minerva Mediation.

1. That we treat each other with respect.
2. That we do not interrupt one another – listening is not agreeing.
3. That we allow ourselves and others the right to pass.
4. That we do not volunteer others.
5. That we speak only for ourselves and speak as “I” not as “we”.
6. That we speak for ourselves but not too often or for too long.
7. That we respect confidentiality.
8. That we challenge behaviour and not the person – labeling the person fails to describe or resolve what happened that led to the problem.
9. That we acknowledge that it is OK to make mistakes as they are an opportunity to learn

More information about these principles is available in a free booklet for all clients who book a Minerva Mediation Conflict Coaching session and is also available on the CAOS Website.

More Services & Conflict Resolution Resources

Mediation FAQ is designed to help people who are new to mediation consider their approach and avoid some of the pitfalls that can jeopardise a successful negotiation.

Time to Talk is a one to one personal coaching service designed to help you think about conflict and reflect on what you wish to do about it.

Getting Legal Advice is our guide which contains some questions you might want to ask to clarify your legal options if you are at risk of being involved in a Court case.

The post The Principles of Effective Communication first appeared on Minerva Mediation.